Signs Showing that Your Boss Is a Bully — Workplace Bullying
When we think of the word “bullying”, our minds almost always place us in school- imagining a bigger stronger kid picking on a smaller one, or picturing teenage girls whispering about a less “popular” girl. While we would like to think that bullying is confined to the young, naive, ignorant minds of school children, the simple fact is that some adults are bullies as well. We have all met one at some point in our lives. That frenemy, co-worker, boss, or client who seems to think it is okay to insult, undermine or manipulate other people to feed their own (secretly very fragile) ego.
Whether they think their bullying tactics are helping them to get ahead, or worse assert their power, the only thing they actually accomplish is being a burden to themselves and the good people just trying to carry on around them.
The workplace tends to have a competitive nature and a hierarchy where we spend a lot of our time. It is therefore a common location for adult bullying.
What is workplace bullying?
Workplace bullying can take many different forms; harassment, discrimination, belittling, manipulation and constant criticism are just a few common actions that can lead to an employee feeling bullied and lonely at work.
However, there are more subtle actions that can also be harmful to an employee’s mental health. For example, being left out of work meetings and social activities, receiving more or excessive performance monitoring compared to your colleagues, and being the target of jokes or constant teasing.
In situations where monitoring and criticism are constructive, helpful and delivered in a professional manner, these actions wouldn’t be considered bullying. However, behaviour that is targeted, intimidating or consistent would be and is a real cause for concern.
When these types of actions form a pattern, and are directed at the same person or people, then it needs to be addressed and if necessary, have the correct action taken.
Who experiences workplace bullying?
Any individual in a working environment can experience bullying at work, not only junior or new members of staff, plus those working in senior roles too.
Common types of workplace bullying from more senior employees or management include preventing personal progression by giving negative feedback, passing promotions, promoting employees who are not qualified in the face of the qualified, sabotage, creating fictitious lies with no facts, neglecting junior members of the team by not dedicating time to or supporting them, and abusing their position of power by threatening job security, to mention but a few.
Workplace bullying can also take place between colleagues and from junior members of staff to their manager(s), spreading gossip, unwarranted criticism as well as sabotage are examples of workplace bullying that can take place between employees who work on the same or a similar level.
Workplace bullies desperately crave power. Bullying is all about power. Taking power from you and using it for themselves
Workplace bullying can occur between anyone in the workplace. But perhaps the most difficult situation to deal with is bullying by a boss — the very person responsible for your development and advancement within the company.
Many times people do not realise that their boss is bullying them. Instead, they think that they have a tough boss or one that simply pushes their employees to get results. But it is very important to be able to identify workplace bullying because it can have significant consequences.
If you are reading this, you probably suspect that you are being taken advantage of at work. More likely, you know in your heart that you are suffering through workplace abuse but you have been denying it. Some people fear that taking action against a bully will more difficult to endure than the everyday abuse that has been grinding them down.
Signs Your Boss Is a Bully
If you feel particularly targeted by your boss, consider whether their behaviour meets these criteria, which could indicate real workplace bullying by a boss/manager who is supposed to set an example.
1. Impedes Your Success
Bullies do no want to see you succeed because if you do, they will lose control over you. As a result, they may punish you for mistakes that are not yours or bring up past mistakes in order to shift blame during a discussion.
They also may make it impossible for you to apply for a promotion, a transfer or additional training. If you do apply for a promotion or a job within the company, they will ensure you do not get it even if you qualify. They may even over-control or micromanage your work or projects. More manipulative bullies will promise you promotions or pay rises to get you to work extra, but will never deliver on those promises.
2. Intimidates You
Intimidating behaviour might include threatening to fire you as a way to maintain power and control. A bullying boss might also make frightening gestures or threaten to physically harm you. Other examples of intimidating behaviour include towering over you, invading your space, and giving intimidating looks.
3. Intrudes on Your Privacy
Some bosses spy on you or even stalk you. They may listen in on your private conversations, open your mail, use the IT department to spy on your mails and files on your PC, or tamper with your personal belongings or your work equipment. It is not uncommon to find a bullying boss snooping through your office when you are out. Ultimately, they are looking for any ammunition to use against you.
4. Isolates You
Bullying bosses may exclude you socially. They leave you off get togethers and party lists and do not include you in company outings, sporting events, or after-hours meetings. They also may intentionally schedule meetings when they know you are on vacation or have a conflict in your schedule.
Additionally, they may make important decisions while you are out of the office. They may also go so far as refusing to allow you to attend work meetings or work lunches even if they are important to your work- the aim here is to disable your ability to perform well in your work.
5. Questions Your Ability and Commitment
Bosses that bully question your ability by belittling your opinions and ideas. This behaviour may take place in private or in front of others. They also may blame you for problems at work while boasting that their skills are responsible for good outcomes.
A bullying boss may also question your commitment to the job unless you work long hours and sacrifice personal time. Even then, you likely can never do enough to please them.
6. Spreads Rumours About You
Bullies often go to great lengths to make others look bad. As a result, they may gossip with others about your work, your appearance, your health or your personal life. They will also lie about you in order to damage your reputation. Their goal is to make others believe you deserve the unfair treatment you are receiving.
However, know that there will be people who will believe that bully Boss but eventually the real truth will reveal itself and those that believed him/her plus the boss will look totally stupid.
7. Undermines Your Work
Bullies set unrealistic deadlines that are bound to cause failure. They also change project guidelines on a regular basis, causing extra work and increasing the chance for failure. In an IT setting, they will go behind your back to undo the settings of certain work functions so that it can cause failure thus causing it to appear that you are incapable of doing your work.
They withhold necessary information and sabotage your success by causing your projects to be late or incomplete. Refusing to sign off on projects or not providing needed feedback are other tactics used to undermine work.
8. Verbally Abuses You
Bullying bosses are notorious for humiliating employees in front of others. They might shout, swear or yell at you. They may make offensive jokes at your expense. Verbally abusive bosses also make snide remarks or offer unfair criticism.
9. You can’t grow under him/her
Bullying bosses never want to see others succeeding because they won’t be able to have control then. They will do anything to obstruct your success by punishing you for mistakes that were not yours or of your own making. Often when they do this, they have the support of a Human resources manager. Or they will keep bringing up past mistakes to shift the mode of discussion.
10. Using neglection as a tool
Bullies are very cunning when it comes to the ways to harm their victims. They are selective and choose a way that is easy to deny. Yes, ignoring is a tactic that is both effective, and they can easily deny it. After all, the bully boss isn’t doing anything to harm you; he/she is just ignoring you.
If your boss ignores you in meetings, or elsewhere, or doesn’t collaborate with you, it negatively affects your work if you are not an expert at your job and independent.
11. You are a topic of office gossip
Bullies can go to any length to make others look bad. For this purpose, they can gossip with other people about your work, your health, or anything else. They consider it as their right to speak about you. Bullying bosses can even lie to destroy your reputation.
They want to convince other people that you deserve this unfair treatment you are getting.
Why Workplace Bullying Is Harmful
Many times, employees will endure bullying and poor treatment from their bosses simply because they are afraid of losing their job or creating a tense situation. But letting bullying bosses get away with humiliating and demeaning you can be a bad idea, too.
Not only is the bullying bad for your health, but it likely will continue if you never address it. If you are at the point where you feel like you are walking on eggshells around your boss or you are feeling anxious, sad, or frightened around your boss, then it may be time to stand up to the bullying.
A 2015 study published in “Personnel Psychology” found that confronting a hostile boss helps you hold onto your sanity. The study’s lead author, Bennett Tepper, says that employees feel better about themselves because they didn’t sit back and take the bullying.
Employees that stood up to the bullying also earned the respect of their co-workers and gained back power in the relationship with their bosses. They also were more committed to their jobs and they believed their careers were not impacted negatively by addressing the boss’ bad behaviours directly.
How to Confront Your Boss
Standing up to your boss is not easy. If you feel like they are taking advantage of you, it might be worth considering. But first, think about the possible repercussions. You have to be comfortable with the fact that you could be disciplined or lose your job for standing your ground. But if it is affecting you in one way or another, then it is worth doing.
For some people, confronting bullying is the priority over maintaining their position in the company. Others would prefer to learn coping mechanisms while they hunt for a new job. Whatever your decision, be sure you are prepared for the possible outcome.
If you do want to confront your boss, try these strategies for handling the situation effectively:
Be Confident
Bullying bosses are able to quickly discern whom they can control and manipulate. Sometimes they get it all wrong by judging their victim wrong. Avoid looking nervous, insecure, or defeated. No matter what happens during your discussion, stay strong and remain professional. Keep your chin up and do not give in to the pressure.
Be Specific
When addressing your boss’s behaviour, have specific examples ready of how they have acted unprofessionally. If you don’t have examples prepared, it will look like you are overreacting and he/she can turn it round to make it feel like you are the guilty one.
Keep in mind, though, that most bullying bosses will not take responsibility for their mean behaviour. They are likely to shift the blame for their actions back to you or simply brush it off, saying they don’t remember it happening. Recognise this for what it is and do not falsely believe that you are to blame for their choices.
Don’t Waiver, Continue to Work Hard
Do not allow your boss’ bullying to derail you at work. Don’t spend time talking with other co-workers about what is happening. Instead, focus on continuing to produce high-quality work. Also, do not allow the turmoil your boss creates to cause you to fall behind on projects. The bullying boss can claim you did nothing of substance for the company. Be sure to keep good documentation of all your successes.
Document the bullying in any way that you possibly can
The most effective thing you can do is to document the occurrences. This approach will make your experience objective and help build a case by keeping a paper trail.
If you can record the bullying in any way that you can, through either a voice recorder, video or photo, do it. Having tangible evidence of the occurrence can help you build a case against your bully. If you were not able to record the bullying occurrence, or if the bullying comes more so in the form of exclusion or ostracizing, then have a co-worker back you up if they witnessed it. Ensure you get the right co-worker to back you. Some co-workers are scared of being kicked out of the company for giving evidence.
Know When to Get Outside Help
If your boss continues to bully you despite your efforts to address it, contact human resources or your boss’ supervisor. Keep a record of all the bullying incidents, including dates, times, and witnesses. You should also keep all electronic correspondence.
If you are in an organisation that has unprofessional management, you may not get the help you expect or want from human resources.
If you feel emotionally drained, depressed or anxious, contact a counsellor. It is never a good idea to ignore the effects of workplace bullying.
Recognise What You Can and Cannot Control
Remember, you have no control over what other people say or do. But, you do have control over your response. Keep your confrontation free of emotion and anger. If you can’t speak to your boss in a calm manner, postpone the discussion.
You also need to be prepared for your boss to retaliate. Be sure you have a plan in place in case your boss fires you for calling out their mean behaviour.
Stand Up for Yourself
Remember, bullies count on you being passive about their behaviour. Show your boss that they made a mistake in targeting you. Address the issue with your boss in a calm and assertive manner. The goal is to defend yourself without being aggressive or mean in return.
Choose to leave that company
This would probably be a good idea. Do you really want to work somewhere that condones bullying among so-called “adults”? I would not.
or
Take legal action
Depending on the severity of the bullying, and the lack of the action taken on the company’s part by Human resources who condones bullying, then there is the possibility of seeking legal justice. You will want to make sure you have documented evidence, proof that the company didn’t take action and everything else needed to make your case. Bear in mind that should your case not have enough evidence or proof and therefore the judge’s ruling was not in your favour, you will have to pay the legal fees. Additionally, since your company doesn’t seem to do all they can to prevent bullying, you may be treated differently by company management in the future if you continue working for the same company.
Can You Trust Human Resources?
According to many experts, Human Resources works for the company, not the employee.
As published on Peoplehr.com, career expert Trent Silver from Nerdster explains:
“HR’s responsibility is to always protect the organisation. But sometimes, the way HR does this is by defending individuals within the company, and helping the organisation avoid lawsuits or PR disasters.”
So, bullied employees should ideally only work with an independent psychologist or solicitor/attorney.
Conclusion
Learning to recognise workplace bullying will help you learn not to blame yourself for someone else’s behaviour. Additionally, you will be less likely to take responsibility for something that isn’t your fault. Remember, bullying does not mean there is something wrong with you. Instead, workplace bullying is a choice that is made by the bully.
Keep the situation in perspective and do not let it affect your self-esteem or health. Find outside support for what you are experiencing and look for options for your situation whether it is reporting your boss, filing a complaint, looking for a new job, or getting outside counselling. With some effort, you can escape the clutches of a bullying boss.
The Bottom line is, if you or someone you know is dealing with a workplace bully, do not engage with them. Collect the evidence of the bullying, notify your company officials (Human Resources or upper management) and then make your decision. This person is bullying you because they are battling something within them that is temporarily remedied by making you feel bad. Simply, opt not to feel bad when they bully you. Nothing they say can permeate your self-love and the confidence you have in yourself. They are toxic, but you have the power to be immune to their poison. Besides, what do you have to feel bad about? You are good at your job, you treat others with respect, and because of that, there is a whole network of people who support you. Nothing they say or do can change that.
